On Self Love, Self Worth And Lil' Kim

This week while everybody was sipping on their lemonade and wondering who Becky was, I found myself preoccupied and deeply disturbed by another story that popped up in the media

If you've been on there rock, this is the most recent photo that little Kim posted on her Instagram. 

Over the last 15 years we've seen Lil' Kim change herself and morph into a barely recognizable sassy rapper on that 1996 Hardcore Poster. You know the one, in the very provocative squat, leopard bikini and fabulous fur. I had that poster, albeit for a very short time because my parents made me take it down but I love that poster I thought she was gorgeous.

She's been the butt of many jokes over the years, and has at times been compared to Michael Jackson. Unfortunately this shit is no longer funny. 

My heart hurts. 

First for her, the little black girl who never felt validated. Who was quoted as saying "all my life men have always told me I wasn't pretty enough.It's always been men putting me down, just like my dad. To this day when someone says I'm cute, I can't see it."

It's become very apparent that this is not just a phase, this is not just a little surgery here or there to fix something you didn't like. Lil' Kim was never was comfortable with herself and her skin and no matter what she does or what  surgery she goes through, that feeling inside of not being enough prevails.

My heart hurts for her daughter. 

We know all too well the effects of having a positive role model inside the home is. As a mother of a little black girl I see it already, she wants to emulate me, when I put lipstick on she asks for lipstick she's even going to my make up bag and asked me to open it and put something on her. She touches her twists and tells me "pwetty hair". She notices every time I change my hairstyle. I make sure I do my best to embrace all parts of me, especially in front of her.

My heart hurts for  little black girls and grown black women who have yet to feel validated.

Most of us go through some form of a self loathing phase. Once upon a time, I was that girl. Didn't feel pretty enough, skinny enough, my nose was too big, skin too bumpy. However, as I grew into womanhood and did the self work,I really learned to love everything about me and absolutely zero fucks about what others thought. It took time.

In this age of #BlackGirlMagic, "Plus size" models being featured on covers, artists embracing their blackness, it's important to still note that there are many out there that are still mentally enslaved to a standard of beauty that doesn't glorify them, they are not yet comfortable in their skin or with what they see in the mirror. There is still a lot of work to be done, and it's still as important as ever that we guard our tongues especially when speaking to ourselves, let our daughters know that they are beautiful as is, and be so gentle on how we approach women who have yet to discover their self worth. That we not just laugh and brush if off but show them kindness and compassion.